Five Ring Panda-Monium

Five Ring Panda-Monium is the first episode in the sixth and final season of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. The story is by Michael Wagner and Nick Boxer. It was written by Michael Wagner and Reed Robins.

Eco-villains

 * The Slaughters

Episode Synopsis
Poachers have injured a panda and taken away his mate. The Planeteers track the Slaughters to an illegal animal market in south-east Asia and discover that the stolen panda was sold off to Madame Mao's Circus. They join the circus undercover in an attempt to recover the stolen panda and help the other suffering animals. However, Madame Mao is wise to their ploy, and intends to stage a series of 'accidents' which will rid her of any trouble the Planeteers may bring...

Significant Moments and Facts

 * The pandas playing at the beginning are referred to as "Pandeo and Juliet".
 * Gi appears to be the only Planeteer viewing the zoo in a negative light, stating that zoos rarely have enough space required for the animals and that they are cruel.
 * Despite the animal market being in Asia, Kwame and the dealer exchange American dollars.
 * It is strongly implied that Mame Slaughter murders the animal dealer.
 * Mame Slaughter phones Madame Mao and warns her that the Planeteers will be arriving and that they are dangerous.
 * Wheeler still finds time to correct Linka's English as he's being shot out of the cannon.
 * Wheeler cries "Oh my God!" and "Help!" as he plummets towards the broken net.
 * Had Cujo not interrupted, Claude would have whipped Ma-Ti's face. As it is, he is still thrown into the lion's cage.
 * Suchi runs off to fetch the other Planeteers as soon as he realises Ma-Ti is in trouble.
 * Madame Mao calls Wheeler 'Red'.
 * The Planeteers do not yell their traditional chorus of "Go Planet!" after Captain Planet is summoned.

Quotes
Mame Slaughter: Get the lead out, Stalker! We want to nail these furballs while we're still young.

Stalker Slaughter: Don't worry, mother! I'll have those pandas pegged in a jiffy.

Wheeler: I still don't see the problem having a few monkeys in a zoo.

Gi: Don't you see, Wheeler? It's wrong to imprison any animal.

Linka: I do not agree, Gi. Zoos can be a good way for people to learn about all the wonderous animals on Earth.

Kwame: Zoos also offer homes for species whose habitats have been destroyed.

Gi: Perhaps. But most wild animals require more space than a zoo can offer.

Dr. Chen: So as you can see, Pandeo is severely traumatised. His shoulder was dislocated when the poachers took his mate. He was sent here because they specialise in animal rehab.

Wheeler: Poor old bear!

Dr. Chen: Only, he's not a bear. More like a giant raccoon.

Wheeler: Whoa! Mondo rocky.

Gi: Will he be okay?

Dr. Chen: His wounds should heal. But it appears his heart may not. He has acted very depressed since losing his mate, Juliet.

Ma-Ti: Any chance of finding her?

Dr. Chen: Pandas are usually killed for their fur. However, since Juliet was taken alive, she was probably sold to a private collector. The problem is - where? I shot these pictures during Juliet's abduction. Unfortunately, they're out of focus.

Gi: Dr. Chen, can I scan these shots into the geo-cruiser's computer? They might tell us something.

Dr. Chen: I sure hope so.

Gi has just scanned the photos into the geo-cruiser's computer:

Kwame: Any luck, Gi?

Gi: Check this out!

''She points to the silhouette of Stalker Slaughter smoking a cigar. Suchi mimes the action of smoking.''

Linka: You said it, Suchi! It is the Slaughters all right!

Dr. Chen: I've heard about them recently. Supposedly they were operating out of an illegal animal market somewhere in south-east Asia.

Wheeler: If it's out there, we'll find it!

The Planeteers are standing in the middle of an illegal animal market.

Gi: I can't wait to tell the authorities about this chamber of horrors!

A dealer grabs Suchi from Ma-Ti's shoulder.

Dealer: How much for the monkey? HIs brains would be very tasty...

Suchi screeches and pulls free, hiding under Ma-Ti's t-shirt.

Ma-Ti: My monkey is not for sale!

Kwame: But we will pay big dollars for a panda...

Dealer: Pandas are rare indeed... I may need help remembering the last time I saw one.

He rubs his fingers together and Kwame hands him a handful of cash.

Dealer: Mame Slaughter had one a couple of months ago. There was a bidding war and it sold for a fortune to Madame Mao's Circus.

Wheeler: Let's move!

Mame Slaughter has been hiding nearby, listening:

Mame Slaughter: So, the kids want to see the circus? Hahaha... I'll make sure they have the time of their short lives... But first, I'll take care of that squealer!

The scene ends with Mame Slaughter approaching the dealer with a knife in her hand.

Mame Slaughter has telephoned Madame Mao to warn her of the Planeteers' arrival.

Mame Slaughter: Exactly, Madame Mao. They are dangerous nuisances, so be prepared. They could be arriving at any time.

Madame Mao: I assure you, Mame. They will not leave here alive.

Claude Slaughter has been standing nearby and overhears.

Claude Slaughter: Is my mommy coming to see me?

Madame Mao: That's right, Claude! Now lock up the panda. We have work to do!

Claude starts to cry and sulk.

Claude Slaughter: But I wanna keep training her!

He whips the panda angrily.

Madame Mao: Later, Claude. Your mother says we're expecting visitors. You can 'train' them!

Claude Slaughter: Oh. Goody!

Linka tries to tug the padlock off the cage.

Linka: Chyort voz'mi! Juliet's cage is padlocked!

Wheeler: Not for long! Step aside, babe. I'm gonna smoke it!

An angry lion is approaching the Planeteers.

Wheeler: Sorry, guys! There's no way you can make me fall for that trench deal again.

Kwame: This is no zoo, Wheeler!

Gi: This place is scary. I've heard of animals literally going crazy from confinement.

Linka has just pulled a stampeding elephant to a halt and Wheeler greets her as she slides from its back, taking her by the arms:

Wheeler: It's okay, you're safe now.

The circus folk angrily surround the Planeteers:

Claude: Hey! What do you pipsqueaks think you're doing?

Ma-Ti: Um, we were kind of hoping for a hot meal and maybe some work...

Madame Mao: I could use your talents...

Wheeler: Wow! I've always dreamed of being in a circus!

Gi murmurs to herself:

Gi: Working on the inside may be the best way to get Juliet out of here.

Kwame: Gi is right!

Talking to Madame Mao again:

Linka: We accept!

Wheeler: I'm dyin' to know what awesome act you want me for!

Madame Mao: You'll be amazed at what I have in mind for you!

Claude: What'd you give 'em jobs for? I thought we were gonna off 'em!

Madame Mao: Your mother said to make sure it looked like they had an accident. And what better place for an accident?! Now does Claude get it?

Claude: .... Oh, yeah! Now Claude gets it! You and my mommy sure are smart!

Wheeler is shovelling animal dung:

Wheeler: This is show business?! My talents are really being wasted here, Madame Mao.

Madame Mao: Perhaps you're right! I have a much bigger job for you...

The next scene shows Wheeler about to be shot out of a cannon.

Wheeler: This isn't quite what I had in mind! You sure it's safe?!

Madame Mao: The net will be like landing on a feather bed.

Linka: At least you will make a big splat with the audience, Wheeler!

Wheeler: That's splash, Linka! Arrrrgh!

He is fired out of the cannon.

Ma-Ti has realised Juliet has no food or water:

Ma-Ti: Excuse me, Claude? The animals do not seem to have any food.

Claude: Haha, then let 'em eat your stupid monkey!

Suchi screeches angrily.

Claude: Stop your yappin'! While I'm educatin' these animals, you bleach out their cages.

Ma-Ti: But bleach is bad for the animals' health!

Claude: It'll be bad for your health if you don't do what Claude says! Now move it!

Ma-Ti is petting the tamed lion.

Ma-Ti: Nice kitty!

Cujo: Looks like you made a friend!

Wheeler: Don't play innocent, Cujo, you lousy sneak! We caught you red-handed!

Cujo throws a steak in towards the lion.

Cujo: I guess you did. But I gotta sneak! Because if Madame Mao sees that I'm feeding the animals, she'll fire me!

''Ma-Ti and Suchi have just hit Wheeler in the face with cream pies. They high-five.''

Ma-Ti: Hahaha! I always wanted to do that too, Suchi!

Madame Mao: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Madame Mao's Circus Extraordinaire!

Kwame: More like Circus Unfair.

Gi: You said it. This place is awful. Good thing we're getting Juliet out of here after the show.

Linka is riding an elephant around in the circus ring as the crowd cheers:

Linka: I cannot believe Madame Mao has me humiliating these animals. I am sorry to make you do this, but please be good, Tosca.

Mame Slaughter: If you want something done right, you do it yourself. Let's see some action!

Captain Planet: Uh-oh, they're not clowning around! This is five-ring panda-monium! I'd better hurry or the big top will be a flat top!